Dry B*lls Rock!

Can I admit something…Dry B*lls Feel Amazing!

After showering, or bathing, it seems like a hassle to dry my b*lls.  You must keep drying them, the towel is damp at that point already, and even still they seem to stay hot and moist for a while. I wanted them dry though.

Now this problem never really slowed me down much, but I have been thinking now for a while that I wish there was a product that I could mount on the wall, near the floor that I could activate with my foot that would shoot cool air up around the nether regions. Thinking that I might have a solid idea here and that other men might have the same concern, I started searching the big wide web for like products.

I didn’t find any, but to my surprise I did find a bunch of articles about the same topic. For instance, Men’s Health did a great piece on junk care, 6 Ways to Keep Your Junk Fresh (Munce, 2019).  This starter piece was all about good hygiene of our favorite region. The benefits are obvious, we want business down there, and we really want repeat business down there. Again, and again. Right!

But towel drying just wasn’t what I was looking for. I mean we put a rover on Mars, I think we can do better than just toweling off our junk. It is 2023 for crying out load. I was looking for something better. Unfortunately, another article mentioned that some men completely miss drying off this region all together (Be Better Below, 2021). That’s crazy! At least to me.  But I get it, I mean if you are in a hurry or something, but really this should be done.  I mean really.  Just do it. If not for you, for them, our partners. Remember – repeat business.

What this article did though was go beyond the advice of toweling and powders, it mentioned using a blow dryer. In my case my wife’s blow dryer, because real men do not own blow dryers, right?  We are minimalists in the bathrooms, right? I mean we have an All-in-One soap/conditioner/shampoo system that has worked for years. Right? Well maybe not.

Well, I did it! I grabbed that off limits device that has multiple settings, cold-medium-hot temps settings, lots of blowing force or little blowing force.  The device may be a little feminine in color, because if we bought one guys it would be black right? Okay I may need a little manning up here, but the point is solid, I did it.

Make no mistake this isn’t manly!

We need some more manly options - chrome and black would do nicely.

Being that our jewels are precious and sensitive to us I set the setting to low blowing force and cool air mode.  No need to try to ride the highest settings right away.  I’ll pause a little here to let images and societal boundaries rest on your mind. I really felt that I should not be doing this.

Was it my upbringing, or something I subconsciously learned as an adult.  Why was I worried about using a hair dryer?

Well – IT WAS MARVALOUS!

The stigma is real.

But wet B*lls do not have to be.

The cool breeze made me smile. It really made me smile. Having to move some parts around to make sure I did a good job was needed but was fine. The sensation of leaving the shower with real dry balls and not sticking to the new garments also made me smile. I’m not an easy sell though, I continued to try this every day for two weeks. Adjusting the temperature and the blowing force until I found the right combo. I’m personally a level 1 blowing force and level 2 temperature kind of guy. My wife even questioned me after a few times as to what I was doing in there and I proudly shared that I was drying my b*lls with her hair dryer. And I’d do it again. And again.

The next phase of this trial is to try the products out there for this. The Be Better Below article did share a product that I would like to try called the B3 Ball Dryer. I must put this on the Holiday list. This is a product that attaches to a hair dryer that cups and fits over our best friends and dries them as a package. There are even scent packages you can get for the process.  I mean why not right! Let’s make the whole region comfortable for us and inviting for our partner, whether that is for a life partner or the partner for the night.

If you don’t believe this is a thing, a Reddit user posed the same question 8 years ago and one user answered “It's amazing, the towel always leaves them damp so by the time I'm out the door I’m already chafing. My doctor actually is the one who told me to blow dry.”

Or an open article in McSweeney’s Internet Tendency (Beeley, 2011) about a gentleman drying his balls by blow-dryer in an expensive gym, “You’re doing it. I mean, we’ve all dreamed of blow-drying our balls out in the open, but you’re doing it…” and later goes and states “You are no longer a man that blow-dries his balls in secret. You have transcended that station and now fall into an elite group of Spartans that blow-dry their balls wherever they God damn please.”.

Gents I’ll close this article up with this, the world has shunned us from needing any attention that distracts us from earning a living. We are berated for being too masculine and not masculine enough. We are supposed to earn loads and still manage household duties. We take that in as we do, we want to be great partners to our spouses and why should we indulge ourselves in being dry in the places that are important. I just want to say it again, we want repeat business.

References

Be Better Below. (2021, November 14). Why You Should Dry Your Balls After Every Shower. Retrieved from Be Better Below: https://www.bebetterbelow.com/why-dry-your-balls/

Beeley, R. (2011, December 27). An Open Letter to the Gentleman Blow-Drying His Balls in the Gym Locker Room. Retrieved from Mc Sweeney's: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/an-open-letter-to-the-gentleman-blow-drying-his-balls-in-the-gym-locker-room

Munce, G. (2019, July 8). 6 Ways to Keep Your Junk Fresh. Retrieved from Men's Health: https://www.menshealth.com/trending-news/a19546707/6-ways-to-keep-your-junk-fresh/