Is our Adversity the Problem or Our Masculinity
Has the MAN evolved into something more than what we want?
Or are we trying to retain our past selves of being hunters and providers for our tribe.
I was just listening to an interview about fasting (you know, the diet) and the healing gene of humans, and the idea that we need adversity to live longer. I like the idea. Or are we afraid of what is coming for us. I fear if we try to revert to a more survival scenario, we may also stop progress on our evolution.
Our adversity is not survival, our adversity is growth.
In the Journal of Men’s Studies, article, Is Traditional Masculinity Still Valued, the comment “Western traditional norms are usually considered hegemonic because they contribute to maintaining men’s favorable position in the gender hierarchy” (Iacoviello, Valsecchi, & Falomir-Pichastor, 2021). How’s that for a thought. Is it just Western norms? The article goes on to share that “progressive male norms” may be taking the place. These are all just subjective words really. It comes down to who am I?
That is my adversity! Our adversity really! The crux of being a male in the world. Are we valued anymore or our we surviving?
Standing up for what we believe in is the new survival. Whether it’s learning new skills or being the at home dad. As a matter of reporting, Forbes reported that the number of Stay-at-Home dads is up 8% to 2.1 million (Kelly, 2022). This is a rise and much needed. Also, the balance of females and males with degrees is up and even maybe surpassed by women in the workplace. So maybe our adversity is how to shift to be the anchor at home again, not financially this time but as masculine influence in the homes.
This all sounds subjective still. The adversity of mankind is shifting, or peoplekind may need further understanding instead of just at home parenting compared at work parenting. I suggest the Purpose Driven Family Model as the goal.
Steps to a Purpose Driven Family:
1. Husband and wife being on the same page (easier said than done I know), and this needs an article all by itself. The same page means both having like minded directions, energies, passions.
2. Shared goals by both parents that may include an ebb and flow of careers. Changing up who gets the At-Home profession. This is/has been problematic in the past with feelings that people have taken advantage of the situation.
3. Constant communication. I hate even putting this in here because it is the most subjective term for an article like this. How often do you hear, “you need better communication” or “you should have told me” Or “if I had known” (notice these are all YOU statements, how about the other person asking from time to time). These statements are indicator statements – indicating that you are not aligned.
4. Next, it’s one thing to have shared goals and another to accomplish these goals. I strongly believe in year-end family goal meetings. Seeing where you are on the shared alignment and how it’s progressing. Shared accomplishment is a great bonding experience.
For those men that are single, the same rules apply just without the family. You need to find your purpose and your rules of life. For instance, if you believe that workplace interaction should be respectful then find a job that supports that. Do not stick around that job. Be cautious of constructive criticism though. This may sound like a verbal beating, but it may be intended to help push you to the next level. This goes for the purpose drive family man too. It’s okay to give constructive criticism to your wife and receive some too from time to time. Giving this information in a safe way is critical.
Going back to the adversity of man, the job now for us is to carry that veil of masculinity and turn it into the essence of individuality. That seems to be the attractive part of every man. Sure, being strong is impressive but are you trying to enter a strong man competition. Individuality is what defines our attributes, our best and worst attributes. I suggest we shore up those attributes to let our individuality shine. An individual that has done the work has confidence and that is even more of an allure for others to see.
Then if you are the Stay-At-Home Dad or the powerful career minded male criticism will not bother you. That is where we use our adversity to fuel us in defining moments of life. Sitting on the couch is not fulfilling the adversity void.
So where to go from here? Look inside and see what’s holding you back from being the real you. Is it family expectations? Is it career pressure? Is it that you are afraid of what might come of you and your friendships? All these situations may change, yes, and that is okay if the mission is noble.
Beware of the I want more feedback loop, or as Mark Manson mentions in his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, the “Feedback Loop from Hell” (Manson). As he explains it, and I believe it, the society today has this bad habit of comparing everything to everything and “anxiety, fear, and guilt, etc.-is totally not okay.” And this sucks. Let’s be real for a minute, we all feel these feelings, and they are natural and placed there to guide you.
If you are feeling fear, your body and mind are saying be careful.
If you are anxious, your body and mind tell you to learn more about whatever it is.
If you are feeling guilty, that’s right your body and mind are telling you to handle your business.
All the other feelings you could be experiencing are trying to tell you something. Eons of evolution have cultured our subconscious to provide for you a guide through life. Use this as you work through your adversity. That thing that you are doing to shore up your inner self. Your masculinity will be in building yourself to be a unique individual that has standards.
References
Iacoviello, V., Valsecchi, G., & Falomir-Pichastor, J. (2021). Is Traditional Masculity Still Valued? Men's Perceptions of How Different Reference Groups Value Traditional Masculinity Norms. The Journal of Men's Studies. Retrieved from https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/10608265211018803
Kelly, J. (2022, December 7). The Rise Of The Stay-At-Home Dad. Retrieved from Forbes: https://www.forbes.com/sites/jackkelly/2022/12/07/the-rise-of-the-stay-at-home-dad/?sh=6e51a58a7921
Manson, M. (n.d.). The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.
